


What About Us?

by genericfanatic



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Multi, Past Adora/Catra - Freeform, Side Pairing: Adora/Glimmer, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-03-09 05:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18910801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: Catra had her whole life planned. After a lifetime of misery, she had her soulmate, and she would work her way up in the business world. All of that falls to shambles when Adora shows her that they're no longer soulmates.





	1. Broken Happy Ever Afters

It was the end of summer, and Catra was wearing a coat.

Catra HATED wearing coats. She only had the one, and she usually would only put it on once it got too cold to bear. Then, once spring hit, she lost it and went sleeveless for the rest of the year. It wasn’t so much she hated the cold, she could withstand it decently enough, but she hated wearing layers. She liked being unencumbered whenever possible.

Which is why it was so odd that now, in the middle of high 70 degree heat, she was wearing her winter coat. “Isn’t that...hot?” her roommate, Scorpia, asked her. 

Catra glared daggers at her. She refused to talk to her new roommate. She’d hoped that as a Senior she’d be able to score a single, but unfortunately, as she applied for a double last year, she had to get a double this year. 

Things had been very different last year, though. Last year she and Adora were enjoying their second year of a relationship, after their soulmarks had glowed in response to one another at orientation. 

Every detail was etched in her brain. Some girl was making fun of the cat ears headband Catra wore (she had a brand to uphold) and then this blonde Amazon came up, yelling and calling the other girl a ‘stupidhead.’ Like, really? Were they in kindergarten? Who was this girl?

And then she’d locked eyes with her. At first, Catra thought she was just blushing, because there was no doubt the girl was beautiful. But she was pretty sure her blush was supposed to be focused on her face, not her arm. 

Looking down, she saw a dark red band glowing on her arm that had not been there before. There was one on the other girl’s arm as well, hers a more clouded red, and finally it clicked as to what they were. 

Soulmates. 

Two people, who when they met, got a mark on their skin matching the color of their soulmate’s aura. The most common was a band on the left forearm, though soulmarks could somehow adjust depending on the person in question, like if they were missing an arm for some reason. 

The blonde girl quickly introduced herself as Adora, and they both flushed, as red as their soulmarks. Catra took her by the hand and told her they should skip the orientation meeting and get to know each other. Adora had been reluctant to break the rules, but she eventually caved, and they ran off to laugh in the middle of the quad. 

Adora was full of laughter. She had been sheltered in homeschooling. Catra could relate, as a foster kid who had been kicked from one house to another. At least her parents had saved enough money to kick in once she turned 18 so she could go to college and get away from her latest disaster of a foster family. 

For the first time with a person, Catra felt comfortable. 

For the first time in her life, Catra trusted someone. 

For the first time, she was happy.

And then last semester happened. “Transferring?!” She demanded of her girlfriend “to Brightmoon College, are you serious?”

“It’s a good school,” Adora said, guiltily rubbing her arm, “they have an amazing women and gender studies program. And you know I wanted more of that.”

Catra tried very hard not to roll her eyes but failed pretty miserably. Adora’s counselor had recommended a women’s studies course, just as filler. Adora had always been indecisive.

But then, just last year, she’d gotten really into it, taking classes outside the college. Catra must have listened to 100 lectures on social justice. Catra didn’t mind, but she didn’t much care. She was a business major, ready to conquer the world and get lots and lots of money. Adora had been too. They were going to go into this work together, already had an internship lined up at a prestigious corporation.

Catra had her whole life planned after meeting Adora. They’d get a job at the same company, climbing up the business ladder until they could go into business for themselves, get married, and live a lavish life of luxury. If Adora wanted to spend some of that money saving the rainforest or whatever her latest kick was, fine by her. 

But this was taking things too far. “Brightmoons an hour bus ride away!” She said, “we’ll hardly ever see each other.”

“We’ll still have weekends,” Adora said, smiling weakly, “and Skype and we’ll text all the time. You’ll see, it won’t be too bad.”

Catra doubted it, and she was right to. She kept the double reserved for when Adora changed her mind, but she never did, and Catra was stuck with Scorpia instead. That summer, Catra had gone to her internship alone.

But none of that prepared her for the worst.

It was the first weekend of the school year, and Adora was coming to meet Catra at Horde University. Catra was practically jumping for joy, but when Adora stepped off the bus, she was clutching her arms close to herself. “Adora!” Catra said, trying to pull her into a hug. Adora stayed stiff. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Adora tried three times to speak before she gave up and just rolled up her sleeve.

If Catra hadn’t seen it, she wouldn’t believe it. Adora’s arm was perfectly bare, her soul mark gone completely. “Wh—“ Catra started but she didn’t know what she was going to ask, her voice fell out from her. “How?” She finally managed, hating how broken her voice sounded.

“I don’t know,” Adora said, “I just...woke up like this the other day. I-I went to the doctor, and they said it was rare, but...but it can happen following a major life event or something.” She shuffled from foot to foot, guilt pouring out of her. 

When Catra was little, she had to sit inside when a rare hurricane made it far enough north to hit them. She was supposed to stay locked up in the bathroom, but couldn’t help going to the window and watching as the wind tore through the trees, sharper than a sword. The sky was filled with lightning and debree, and all she could do was sit there and watch. 

That was how she felt now, watching hopelessly as Adora’s words like the wind cut through Catra’s dreams, her hopes, her future, leaving it to fall around her in pieces. Her bones rattled like the window had, threatening to break and and drag her out into the storm.

Catra couldn’t have that. Wouldn’t allow herself to just be swept up and torn to pieces. If anything was going to, it would be herself. 

“And who’s fault is that?” She asked, her voice cold and unsteady.

“What?” Adora asked, genuinely confused, “Catra...I didn’t ask for this. I still love you, I just-”

Catra actually laughed. It wasn’t from humor, but a sick twisted sense of irony. “You love me?” She said, “After doing literally everything you can to get away? After leaving mebehind at every chance you get, after showing me the literal PROOF on your arm, you’re gonna try and spew that bullshit?!”

“I--” Adora stuttered out, looking so innocent. She always did. “I didn’t! I didn’t leave you, I don’t want to leave you--”

“Bull. Shit!” Catra said, “You dropped out of this school, abandoned me at our internship, barely talked to me anymore! Your doctor said herself this was from a major life change! And you were the one to MAKE that change.”

“Catra, that didn’t---that doesn’t have to do with US!” Adora said, “You know I had to go, I didn’t--I didn’t really belong at Horde.”  
“Oh yeah,” Catra said, voice drowned in sarcasm, “I can really see how the top grades and the commendation from all the teachers really made you feel isolated. Oh wait.”

“I found a purpose.” Adora said, brows sinking as she grew determined. “I found a cause that I’m proud of, and I don’t regret it.” 

Catra scoffed. The words felt like a punch to the gut, but she wouldn’t let that show. “Sure. Well I’m glad to hear the tree hugging is worth throwing me to the dogs.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Adora said, rubbing her temples, “Look, I just...my life is changing a lot right now. But I want you in it.” She took a deep breath, “That’s why...I want you to transfer with me.” 

Adora might as well have said she wanted Catra to jump off a cliff. No, that wasn’t right. Catra would have been more willing to jump off a cliff than this. “Are you crazy?!”

“I mean it!” She said, “Look, we both know the atmosphere here was...bad.”

“It was fine when we had each other,” Catra said, trying to keep the emotions out. 

“That doesn’t make it good!” Adora said, “But you can study business other places, or maybe find something else! You never liked the classes anyway.”

“It’s not about liking it,” Catra said, “I’m investing in my FUTURE something you seem to not care about anymore!” 

“I DO care!” Adora said back, both their voices rising and starting to cause a scene at the bus stop. “In fact it’s because I care that I left! I just…” She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this, but Horde...a lot of the businesses and corporations and everything that you want to join….it’s EVIL, Catra!”

Catra stared at her blankly for longer than she could count. Then, she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard her throat hurt and her eyes watered. She laughed until her voice sounded as though she was wheezing. She laughed until she was clutching her stomach, finally feeling the physical pain to match the emotional one. 

When her laughter finally died out, she managed to shout out, “NO SHIT!” 

She stood up and wiped her eyes, “All those classes and internet forums and your whole hot take is ‘Corporation bad,’ oh that’s incredible.” She shook her head and looked Adora in the eye. “Of course it’s evil. It’s the way of the world, people pushing others out of the way to get what they want. The only way to win is to be the one who pushes hardest.”

Adora shook her head. “I don’t want that,” She said, “I want to do something good in the world, to help people, to make a difference.”

Catra let out one last snort. “More than you want me?”

Adora opened her mouth, but no sound came out. It was fine. That was all the answer she needed. “Next bus comes in 15 minutes,” Catra said, “Have a shitty ride home.”

“Catra wait!” Adora called, but she’d already turned and walked away. Catra ignored Adora’s cries, but it wasn’t like Adora was chasing her down either. Catra wasn’t even sure she was happy or sad when she heard Adora actually sob. She deserved it. But the mark on Catra’s arm was all the proof needed to show she still loved her, even if she didn’t want to.

Weeks later, when Catra was sitting in her class, ignoring the professor and wearing a coat inappropriate for the weather, the mark was still there. The hurricane had died down, leaving Catra’s heart nothing but debree. And still she loved Adora. 

The first night she’d tried to claw the damn mark off her skin. It hurt, but it couldn’t hurt more than the pain she felt inside, right? Well she was wrong. With the new skin that grew, the mark returned as well. Besides, the blood and scabs only looked like the bright red of Adora’s aura anyway. 

Scorpia sat beside her in class, insisting on the first day they could be study buddies since they roomed together. She also wanted to be friends, which Catra put a quick stop to. Now she was looking between the professor and Catra sporadically, pretending she wasn’t paying attention, but clearly concerned by the giant red coat.

It had been Adora’s coat. She left it behind too. 

Students grabbing their materials and supplies were all the indication Catra had that the class had ended. She followed them, putting her empty notebook paper in her bag and getting up. 

She had almost made it to the door when she heard the chilling voice yell “Catra!” After her.

She froze, hair on the back of her neck on end as she turned to see Professor Weaver. Weaver had never really liked her, had always favored Adora. And she made no secret she blamed Catra for the fact Adora transferred. “What?” Catra said, blunt.

“You’ve been ignoring my emails,” Weaver said, glaring down at her, “Have we not discussed taking your academic career more seriously?”

Catra bit the inside of her cheek to keep from doing anything crazy, like yelling or crying. “I just haven’t gotten to them yet.”

“I see,” Professor Weaver said, clearly not believing. “Well, if you had read them, you’d know about the opening in the work study program as one of my TA’s.” Catra finally looked up. Weaver was offering her a spot as a TA? But she hated Catra! “The spot was reserved for Adora,” Weaver said, quickly quelling any hopeful thoughts on Catra’s part, “However, the program director says the spot must be filled. So. You will take the position.”

Catra snorted slightly, “You’re not even going to ask?”

She could feel more than see Weaver’s glare, as she wasn’t meeting her eyes. “This is a high honor, important for your career if you intend to get a job past graduation. It would be foolish to refuse.”

Catra took a deep sigh, knowing the Professor was right. “It’s just, I have a lot going on right now…”

“Yes, I heard about your...condition…” Catra felt her arm burn beneath her coat, unsure if it was just her imagination or the beginnings of heat stroke. “However, love problems are an unacceptable excuse for neglecting your responsibilities. I suggest you find some way of getting over yourself.”

Catra balled her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her palms to stop herself from exploding at the professor and getting kicked out of her program entirely. “Yes, Professor.”

Professor Weaver sighed, turning back to collect her own things. “Honestly, I never thought you and Adora made sense as soulmates anyway. Still, I wish you had been the one to go.”

Catra wouldn’t let herself cry. She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. She turned on her heel and marched out of the room, not heeding anymore from Professor Weaver. 

She nearly walked into Scorpia stepping out the door. The girl was like a brick wall as Catra looked up at her, with a face like a puppy. “Are you ok?” She asked.

Catra scoffed, but couldn’t bring herself to answer, so just walked around and away from her. 

She heard Scorpia chasing after her. “You don’t have to let her talk to you like that! You should complain to Professor Hordak!”

“Please,” Catra said, rolling her eyes, “My word against a professors? He’ll laugh me out of his office.” And Professor Hordak wasn’t anyone to mess with, everyone knew that. 

“I can say too!” Scorpia said, “I heard the whole thing, I--”

Catra turned on her. “The WHOLE thing?!” She demanded.

Scorpia swallowed, guilty. “Well….I mean...yeah,” She said, rubbing the back of her neck, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I was just going to hang back to see if you wanted to get lunch with me and we can go over notes! I noticed you...didn’t really take any in class, so I was going to offer you mine. I didn’t know she was going to talk to you about the whole...soulmate thing….”

Catra turned away, not letting Scorpia see even the tiniest hint of tears in the corner of her eyes. Stupid emotions. 

“I mean...I was wondering,” She said. “I saw your soulmark once, but...you kinda never talked about it. I thought maybe they’d died tragically young or something, but that...that sucks. A lot.”

“What do you know about it?” Catra snapped at her. “I can see your soulmark. You’re all happy aren’t you, with some other giant touchy-feely oaf? Well have fun with them, and leave me alone.”

“Actually, my soulmate is a scientist,” Scorpia said.

Catra rolled her eyes, walking away, “I don’t care!” 

“She’s studying soulmates,” Scorpia called after her, but Catra just walked faster. “She’s been looking at research to see if there’s any way to remove a soulmark.”

Catra froze in her tracks. She didn’t turn back, but it was enough for Scorpia to catch up. “She hasn’t been able to find any willing participants to try, but she has some theories.”

Catra looked just slightly over her shoulder, “She can get rid of it?”

“She’ll certainly try.” 

Try wasn’t good enough. Catra was nearly ready to chop off her arm, but she was sure the mark would just reappear. But she couldn’t live the rest of her life attached to a goddamn traitor like Adora, couldn’t pursue her dreams with this stupid embarrassing mark there for the world to see. “What do I have to do?”


	2. Billions of beautiful hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra agrees to meet Entrapta, the soul scientist who promises to remove her soulmark, though its a little trickier than Catra thought it would be.

“You found me a case study!” Entrapta said, embracing her girlfriend in a hug, her hair flying everywhere and bouncing into Catra’s face. Catra spit the strands out, retreating quickly. 

“Entrapta,” Scorpia said, gently plucking her off, though it looked like she didn’t want to, “I told you, Catra just got out of a relationship.”

“Oh! Right!” Entrapta pulled her hands off and turned to Catra, “Sorry about that, we’ll keep the affection on the downlow if it makes you uncomfortable.”

The affection did make her uncomfortable, but what was worse was being handled with kid gloves. “It’s whatever,” she said. 

Entrapta skipped over to the chair and patted it, “Come, come, let’s get this started.”

“Wait,” Catra said, “What exactly are you going to be doing?” 

“Oh, of course,” Entrapta said, “We’re going to be using psychological and neural based experiments to try and eradicate your connection to the 4th dimensional essencialogical force, thus permanently removing your mark!” 

Catra blinked rapidly, only really hanging onto a few words in there. She turned to Scorpia for translation. “She’s gonna cut your soul connection through your brain.”

Catra took a step back on the defensive. She arched her back, lowering her head as though to protect it from the crazy science lady and her tools. “You’re going to be messing around in my head?!” 

“Probably!” Entrapta said, like it was exhilarating and not horrifying. “But first we’re going to use data collection and observation to determine what your connection even looks like.”

Catra looked back to Scorpia who shrugged, “She’s scanned my head a few times. It doesn’t hurt.” 

“That’s not so much the part I’m worried about,” Catra said, “I thought you’d be like, shooting a laser at my arm that could remove it like a tattoo. I don’t want lasers messing around my brain. 

“There won’t be any lasers around your brain,” Entrapta waved her off. “....Probably. Partial craniotomy has proven to have some success in essencialogical related procedures, but it is forbidden by the ethics board.” Entrapta sighed, seeming disappointed by it. 

Catra raised an eyebrow, suspicious, “Essencialogical?”

“Essencialogy!” Entrapta said, smile brightening her face once again, “the study of people’s essences, colloquially known as their ‘souls’.” 

Catra nodded slowly, not really getting it. “You know, souls?” Entrapta said, misunderstanding her confusion, “Like, its who you are, as a person, and what we define as a sentient being...uh...oh goodness, do I have to explain what a sentient being is?”

“I know what a soul is.” Catra growled, “I just don’t really know a whole lot of the science or whatever of it. I didn’t pay attention much in high school science.”

“Oh! Oh, I see, well, take a seat then!” Entrapta all but threw Catra into the chair and typed away happily on her computer. The projector booted up and Entrapta showed a powerpoint slide that read ‘Essencialogy 101, final summary report’ in bright pink comic sans.

Scorpia settled into the seat beside her, looking at the presentation with rapt attention. “Has she not shown you this before?” Catra asked.

“Oh she has,” Scorpia said, “I just love it.”

Catra rolled her eyes. Soulmates…

Entrapta grabbed the remote and jumped in front of the screen as the text started to glitter. Scorpia literally ‘oooohed.’ “So the first question ‘What is a soul?’” She clicked to the next slide, labeled ‘soul.’

“I already told you, I know what a--”

“I mean in a scientific sense.” Entrapta cut her off. The picture beside her showed a human silhouette with a glowing ball at the center. “Now, there are many misconceptions about the soul. One is that the soul is a person’s emotions, essentially. This is not true. A soul, or an essence, is a combination of emotion, logic, memory, genetics, etc. It’s essentially what makes you YOU.” The last bullet point had a hand pointing at the audience.

The next slide slid in with cheesy effects. “The soul is imperceptible to humans with the naked eye, though some reports of seeing ‘aura’s in history, none have been confirmed. In fact, without soulmarks, humans may never have known about souls at all!” 

The next slide was labeled ‘history of the soul,’ “Soulmarks were first documented in around 3,000 BCE, roughly around the rise of civilization, first in--”

“Entrapta…” Catra sighed, “I’ve got a book report to write, so…” She did, but she had been planning on ignoring it. Still, it made a good excuse.   
“Oh!” Entrapta said,”Ok, um...relevant parts. Here we go.” She rapidly pressed the button, skipping through some horrifying animations that made Catra worry. She hoped Entrapta’s skills with brainwork were better than they were with powerpoint. “Ok, ok, so! In modern day, we have ‘Essence wave scanners.’ This will give us a good look to map out your soul.” The slide switched to what was obviously a scan of a woman, who’s soul was various shades of pink.

“Thats me,” Scorpia said, pointing at the scan. 

Entrapta smiled at Scorpia. “What we see here is an ‘Aura’ or a visual representation of the soul as translated through essence waves. Every soul is relatively unique, but the color can translate to some personality types. A pink aura, depicts someone very loving and sensual.” Scorpia blushed and Entrapta winked at her. “Other than wave scanners, the aura color can also be seen on the soulmark of a person’s soulmate,” she indicated her own arm, where a pink band lay, “Now here’s where things get interesting:”

The slide zoomed out of the scan of Scorpia until she was just one dot on a world map of millions, maybe billions of dots. “The souls of every human who now or ever has, or ever WILL live, creates a force that surrounds us.”

“What, like in Star Wars?” Catra asked. 

Entrapta shrugs, “Where do you think George Lucas got it from? But it can’t be manipulated to see great distances or use lightsabers or chop apples. All it really does is connect two--or more!--souls that have potential to be a good match.”

Entrapta took a sigh. “This is where it gets a bit more theoretical. The short version is no one’s EXACTLY sure why, though I have some theories of my own, but…..” Catra gave her a glare, “Right! Relevant things. So, basically, the reason you have a soulmark is that your soul, through this force, still reacts to your ex-soulmate’s soul. Like I said, a lobotomy might cut your connection to the soul force COMPLETELY and we don’t want that. We just want to cut the soul connection to her.” 

The powerpoint turned off and Entrapta smiled. “My theory is that one or both of your souls must have changed so dramatically that her connection broke. So, with some non-invasive brain medication, psychotherapy, and maybe a bit of good luck, we’re going to change your own brain chemistry so that it breaks it’s connection with her, and thus your soulmark will be removed.”

Catra tapped her foot. She wasn’t overly fond of this ‘brain chemistry altering’ thing. Especially since Entrapta didn’t seem entirely...stable. 

But...the alternative was to just live like this.

“We’ll start with the essence wave scanner thing, ok?” Catra said, “Then we’ll go from there.”

Entrapta jumped and clapped her hands in excitement. “Spectacular! Now you just need to sign the waivers!” 

Catra legitimately couldn’t believe she was going through with this. 

 

It turned out you couldn’t just use a thousand dollar piece of university equipment on short notice, so they actually made an appointment for the next Monday. Catra had finally checked her emails in the meantime and wished she hadn’t. Why was she spending all this money on schooling again?

The machine was sort of like an MRI except it had her standing up, and sort of leaning back. Entrapta hummed as she strapped her in, attaching all sorts of monitors to her. The ones on her head, chest, and soulmark made sense, but what on earth would they need to monitor in her foot? 

“Would you like me to put on some music for you?” Entrapta said through the speakers. 

Catra weighed the options of sitting here silently. “Yeah, sure, I guess.” 

Blaring metal burst through the speakers. “Isn’t this supposed to keep me calm?!” She demanded.

“Scorpia said you LIKE loud music!” Entrapta yelled through her headset. It was technically true, although she mostly played the music loud to drown out her thoughts. Or annoy her roommate. Or annoy their neighbors. It had many uses, but she was unsure if being played while Catra was in a confined shape was one of them. 

A horrifying door closed over the table Catra laid on, turning it into a chamber of terrors, which she was sure spikes would come out of. It wasn’t that she didn’t like small places, she often was one to climb into closets or tiny corriders or even large vents herself. She just didn’t like being placed INTO the small spaces. There was a big difference. 

She heard Entrapta humming along to the metal music as the scan took place. “Whoa,” Scorpia said, “Your clothes are the same color as your soul!”

It wasn’t quite right. Catra’s clothes mostly matched the bright red of Adora’s soul, so she could match it. It was a common practice, like Entrapta dying her hair pink to match Scorpia’s bright pink soul. Adora and Catra just both had red souls, though slightly different shades. 

“Hmm,” Entrapta said, examining the data as it came out on the screen through her goggles. Catra didn’t know how the goggles helped, but they did make her look more scientific. “Seems to be a cloudy red, is the closest match.” she compared it to her diagram of soul colors. “Someone with a clouded red soul has a deep seeded anger they can’t let go.”

“There are positives too, though!” Scorpia said over the speaker, “Like...very passionate and determined...uh….”

“It’s fine, Scorpia,” Catra said, “That hits pretty spot on.”

“Stay still, please,” Entrapta said. Catra scoffed but did as asked. Entrapta hummed, looking through the data, “Interesting, interesting.”

“What’s interesting?” Catra asked.

“Please, Catra, I need you to stay still.” Entrapta said. Catra banged her head against the machine, but tensed her muscles, trying to comply. “See this Scorpia?” She said.

“Whoa,” Scorpia said, “I’ve never SEEN that, what is it?”

“What is what??” Catra demanded.

“Catra,” Entrapta said, exasperated, “I don’t know how else to say this, I need you to keep still.” Catra growled warningly at her. “But I think I’ve found the cause of your soulmate issue.” 

“Which IS?” 

“Your soul thread seems to be dangling.” 

Catra blinked so rapidly she gave herself a headache. “My what?”

“Maybe we should get her out of the machine first.” Scorpia suggested. 

 

Catra was not patient as she waited for the machine to be cut off, and let out, but finally she was sitting in front of the scans Entrapta took, looking at a silhouette of herself, which was a cloudy red aura, except for the mark on her arm that stayed a bright red. What was odd was a string that was dangling from the mark. “What is that.”

“That is your soul thread,” Entrapta said, “On a connected soulmate pair, you could actually track the connection between the two with this thread. But yours is...gone.”

“Because Adora lost her mark?” Catra asked.

“Possibly,” Entrapta said, “Though I’d theorize that they’re two symptoms of the same event. Given that Adora had a recent major life change, her soul itself, and her aura, has changed so dramatically, the aura you were connected to, Catra, simply doesn’t exist anymore.”

Catra sat back in her chair, looking at the bright red mark on her arm. “Then why do I still have her mark?”

“Well, this is where we get into some quantum physics,” Entrapta said, “You see, the soul force works outside of normal time and space, essentially, it works 4th dimensionally. That’s how it can determine potential soul matches. So you still are connected to that aura you fell in love with, but it doesn’t...exist anymore. So your soul thread is just kind of…” She wiggled her arm. 

Catra grunted. “So what do we do? Can’t you fire a laser or something to get that to change.”

“You seem to be fixated on lasers,” Entrapta said, “And no, it’s not that simple. We need to get your brain to recognize the aura it’s attached to is no longer in existence in this segment of space time. Then, the mark will disappear.”

Catra sighed and pushed back on her wheely chair, “So we’re back where we started? I just have to ‘get over it?’”

She stood up, grabbing her jacket and shoving it back on to hide her mark. “Thanks for nothing, this has been a real fun complete waste of my time.”

“Wait, wait, wait!!” Entrapta said, “We’ve only collected the initial data! We haven’t even started the next stage yet!” 

Catra rolled her eyes, ready to leave, but Scorpia blocked the door. “And what IS the next stage?” Catra asked, dismissively.

Entrapta’s eyes gleamed, “Experimentation!”


	3. Problems That Want to be Solved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Catra begins her 'treatment' her past gets dredged up.

Catra mumbled unintelligably. “What?” Scorpia asked.

Catra dramatically spit out the wash in her mouth. “This tastes disgusting.”

“Entrapta said it’s supposed to taste like mint,” Scorpia said from her bed, leaning on the wall.

Catra mimicked her in a high voice, “Entrapta says a lot of things,” she finished, getting gulps of water to wash out the taste. When that wasn’t enough she grabbed her toothbrush.

Scorpia shrugged, “I’ve learned to just kinda go with it,” she said, smiling into her phone.

Catra finally emerged from the sink. “Go with what?”

Scorpia shrugged again, “With whatever Entrapta does.” 

Catra scowled into her mirror, looking at the reflection of Scorpia, happily reading her phone. She didn’t need to see it to know she was chatting with Entrapta. That was what she and Adora would do whenever they were separated. 

Catra grabbed a snack bar, letting the flavor overpower the stupid essence-whatever that Entrapta had given her. It was supposed to affect her brain in minor ways without suffering too many ill effects. Hopefully. 

Catra walked back into the room, putting her jacket back on. It was hot, and Scorpia already knew what was there, but she wore it anyway. She’d caught Scorpia staring a few times, even though she tried not to. So, coat. 

Scorpia giggled at some innocuous thing Entrapta had no doubt written her. Catra ignored it in favor of her music. Scorpia giggled again, louder, and it felt like it was grating on her brain. “Why didn’t you and Entrapta just room together?” she finally burst out.

Scorpia looked up from her phone, “Oh, Entrapta is very introverted. She needs a lot of alone time.”

Catra raised an eyebrow, “She doesn’t SEEM very introverted.”

Scorpia shrugged, “She’s outgoing and expressive, which I like about her. But when she shuts down, she she shuts down hard. Which I can respect. I need my own time. I like to hang around her when she’s at work and energized, but if I was with her all the time, I’d never get any work done!” She chuckled like it was an inside joke.

Something stabbed Catra deep in her soul. The words “It’s healthy to have our own lives!” Echoed back at her, in Adora’s cheery voice. She knew what that lead to. “What about when you’re older? Are you going to live together?”

Scorpia shrugged, “Haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

“But you’re soulmates,” Catra said, picking at her sharp nails, “Don’t you think that’s gonna come up eventually?” 

Scorpia shrugged, “I guess if it comes to that we’ll have separate rooms. Oh! And maybe a third room for snuggling! We could build a permanent pillow fort in there and line it with fairy lights...I’m gonna tell Entrapta!”

She typed excitedly into her phone. Catra rolled her eyes, and picked at her hangnail until it bled. “Aren’t you…” she said, trying to figure out the words, “Aren’t you like...worried? That she’s drifting away?”

Scorpia sighed. “I suppose sometimes,” She said, “I don’t always act it, but I can have pretty low self esteem. Sometimes I think I’m too ugly, or too stupid or too gullible for someone as smart as Entrapta. And yeah, sometimes I need a hug at the same time as she needs her space. But thats why I have other friends to go to, or if it’s really bad I’ll call my Dad. And eventually it works out.”

Catra gulped. She didn’t have any friends. When Adora had left, she took her whole world with her. She didn’t know...she didn’t know what to do. “What if one day it doesn’t?” 

“Hmm?” Scorpia said, tearing her attention away from her phone.

Catra sat up, clenching the thin mattress in her fists. “What if one day it doesn’t work out? What if she needs more space, and more and more, until you don’t see her ever?”

It took a few seconds staring at Scorpia’s horrified face to realize Catra was crying, just a little, just a bit on the edges. She turned away, abandoning the conversation. 

The beds at Galra U were the squeakiest in all the land, so Catra heard Scorpia stand up and walk over. She pretended she didn’t, though. “I would have people there for me,” Scorpia said. “I would...I would be devastated, honestly. And I’d cry a lot. But I’d go to my friends, and my family, and if they couldn’t help I’d find a professional I get along with and pay them to be there for me.”

Catra perked an eyebrow, turning just ever so slightly. “Like a hooker?”

“Like a therapist, Cat,” Scorpia said, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Catra have you...have you gone to a therapist? Since Adora--?”

“Don’t say her name,” Catra cut her of, glaring daggers at her roommate.

Scorpia was unaffected, her determination a shield against Catra’s verbal projectiles. “You know, the school provides some counseling services free of charge. No one would have to know.”

“Like Shit.” Catra says, “I say something innocuous like ‘I don’t think I have a future anymore’ and suddenly I’m a suicide risk, and then they have to contact my old foster family and Professor Weaver and with my luck Professor Hordak. Then I’m that girl, the crazy one the one who couldn’t hang on to her damn soulma---” 

The word caught in her throat. “I don’t have anyone.” She finished instead.

Scorpia scooted closer. “You have me.”

“I don’t NEED anyone,” Catra shot back, retreating further.

She only caught Scorpia’s nod out the corner of her eye. “Well. If you ever feel like you WANT something...I’m here. And Entrapta too. She’s not always as good with emotions, but sometimes her more logical sense is comforting.”

Catra didn’t know what to say, so she curled up in her blankets, ready to go to sleep, even if it was stupid early. “Whatever.”

Scorpia waited a whole minute longer, before Catra convincingly imitated sleep, and she went back to her side of the room. 

 

“What the FUCK did you give me?!” Catra demanded, when she had a long enough break between stomach purges to march down to Entrapta’s lab.

“Oooh, a reaction!” Entrapta said, pulling up her recorder, “List your symptoms for me!”

Catra was about to do just that, when her stomach told her she’d put off the stomach purge too long and ran to the sink to expel whatever was left in her guts. 

Entrapta had the gall to swab the sink for vomit traces. “It’s data!” She said, when Catra looked at her disgusted. 

Catra just collapsed in a chair, too sick to fight back. “Just cure me of whatever you did to me, please.”

“We’ll lower your dosage?” Entrapta suggested, “But really, this is incredibly promising.”

“Ugh, you’ll have to explain that one too me,” Catra said, hand over her eyes to block out the offending light. Entrapta opened her mouth but Catra cut her off, “WITH small words, please.”

Entrapta bit her lip, trying to think of the right thing to say. “Well, it’s kind of like a virus,” she said, “It gets worse before it gets better. We know from this that its at least affecting your chemistry. So, with careful monitoring, we may be able to see results in your brain within days.”

“Joy,” Catra said, “Do I need an IV in the meantime?”

“I’ll….get you some anti-nausea medicine,” Entrapta said, tripping over her mess of a lab to run over and get it. “Do you feel anything else? Dizziness?”

“Oh yeah,” Catra said.

“Excellent!” She said, “It’s gotten to your brain!”

“I still don’t get what my brain is supposed to do with it,” Catra moaned, “It’s my soul that’s the problem, right?” 

“Mmm, yes and no,” Entrapta said, “Your soul is the connection, but your brain is the one to send the signals to your arm to grow new skin cells on your arm, marking it the same as the soul you’re connected to,” She said, “So, to get to the mark, we have to go through the brain!”

“Great.” Catra said, as Entrapta handed her nausea medication. She swallowed it with water. “How long will it take before it, you know. Erases?”

“Oh, it can’t erase your soulmark all on it’s own,” Entrapta said, pulling up a chair and sitting in it backwards, rolling it way too far into Catra’s personal space. 

Catra sighed, “Why not?”

Entrapta shrugged, “If it were that simple, someone would have found it already,” Entrapta said, “We’re trying to find something new!”

Catra snorted, still annoyed. “Of course.”

“Buuuuut,” Entrapta said, rolling even closer, getting Catra to push her chair back, “It IS supposed to make the essencialogical force in your brain easier to manipulate. So, we’re almost ready for stage 2!” 

Catra sighed, “What’s stage 2?” She asked, dreading the answer.

“Psychological analysis.” Entrapta said. 

Catra sat up and glared at her, the sudden movement making her head swirl. “Did Scorpia put you up to this?”

Entrapta tilted her head, confused, “Well, she brought you to me as a case study, but you know that already, so--”

“No,” Catra said, “Did she...did she tell you anything I’ve said? About...therapy?”

Entrapta cocked her head, “No, she hasn’t mentioned anything. She wouldn’t do that, if you trusted her. She takes her friendships very seriously.” Entrapta smiles, “Sometimes I don’t get all the social rules she sticks to, but the trust one is important, she won’t say anything if you tell her not to.”

Catra deflated a little, still uncomfortable. “We’re just roommates,” Catra said, “Not friends.”

Entrapta frowned, not like she was mad, just that she didn’t understand. “She considers you a friend,” She said, “and I do too.”

“You what?”

“You’re helping me out!” Entrapta said, “And I’m helping you out! It’s an exchange of social services. What more to friendship is there?”

Catra shook her head, pretty sure that wasn’t right, but whatever, if thats what Entrapta wanted to think it was no skin off her back. “So...what Psycho analysis were you talking about?”

“I’d have to ask you a number of questions relating to your relationship with Adora, and your feelings about things.”

Catra groaned, “That sounds like the exact opposite of what I would want to do.”

“I’ll draw up a contract, make sure your answers are confidential,” Entrapta said, “The questions will be involved with my analysis, and maybe your general demeanor, but I’ll give you rights to edit whatever you need from my data when it comes time to publish.”

Catra took a deep sigh. “That’s….a little comforting,” She said, “but...it’s the process itself, I don’t know if I want to talk about that kinda stuff.”

“Why?” Entrapta said.

Catra scoffed, “Because it HURTS,” she yelled, “You’ve never had a soulmate leave you. It’s PAINFUL and I’ve had a lot of painful things happen to me!”

Entrapta pulls out a notepad, and clicks a pen, “Tell me what it feels like.

 

Catra knew she was being goaded, either intentionally or unintentionally, but she’d been holding all the pain back for so long she didn’t have the strength to do it for one more second. “I feel like I’m dying,” She said, “Every single day, every time I see anything that reminds me of her. All of my happy memories--My best memories!--suddenly are like nightmares. I can’t breath and ‘s all hurt and concentrated right here,” She said, pointing above her stomach. “Some days I can’t move, some days I can’t EAT. It’s-It’s--” She choked on her own vomit again and just wretched into the sink, her stomach too empty to release anything more.

Entrapta wrote furiously on her notepad. “Ok, I think we can officially diagnose ‘depression’ and ‘anxiety.’ Well. I mean I shouldn’t, but you match the symptoms pretty well.” She wrote another note, “Have you been having any suicidal thoughts?”

Catra clenched her teeth. She didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want to know what Entrapta would say. But somehow, given the way Entrapta was looking at her, intrigued, with no trace of pity or anything other than logical analysis….it was somehow comforting. “Some,” she whispered slightly, “Don’t really know why I haven’t yet. It’s not like I really have much to live for. ‘Cept spite, I guess.”

“Spite?” 

“Against Adora,” Catra sneered, “Against Weaver and all the other people who think I’m lost without her.” She took a shuddered breath, no real tears coming, but still feeling it. “I don’t want them to think I’m weak. I don’t want them to think they beat me.”

“That’s important to you,” Entrapta said, “Being strong?”

“Of course it is,” Catra shot back, “Who would want to be weak?”

Entrapta hummed, going over her notepad. “What is strength to you, then?” She asked, curious but not emotional.

Catra rolled her eyes, pacing. “I dunno! Strength! Being able to do stuff, lift stuff, take the pain and be ok.”

“Independence?” Entrapta asked.

Catra shrugged, “Sure, whatever.”

“So, you value independence,” She said, “But now that you are independent, you’re sad?”

Catra swallowed. She sat down, thoughts swirling in her mind without making a whole lot of sense. “Adora made me weak.”

Entrapta was writing even more furiously now, almost excited by the admission. “Go on, how?”

“She made me dependent on her,” Catra said, “She made me love her and need love from her. And then she ripped it away from me.” Catra swallowed, “I was fine before I met her, I knew the way of the world, I knew how terrible people were, but I let myself love her anyway.”

Entrapta nodded, making affirmative hums, “So she manipulated you?”

“No,” Catra said, still having that unconscious motivation to defend her, “She--she was different before. She didn’t mean to. I was just stupid. I thought because we were soulmates we’d be ok. It was ok to trust her.” She clutched her head, “It was a relief, to find someone I could trust…”

She swallowed. Her throat was raw from throwing up so much and then now nearly crying. Not quite, she stopped herself from it. But she could feel it.

Entrapta closed her notebook. “I think that’s enough for me to work with today,” she said, smiling, “I’ll call Scorpia, huh? And she can monitor your symptoms through the night. See if we can get the nausea medication working so you can keep some food down. She makes a really good stew for when you’re sick, I highly recommend.”

Catra was so tired, so empty both mentally and physically, she just nodded. “Entrapta…” She said, “If I find out you share any of that...even with Scorpia….I’ll…” She couldn’t think of a good threat.

Entrapta patted her shoulders, “Don’t worry,” Entrapta said, “Scorpia’s taught me all about the impotance of keeping my friend’s secrets.”


	4. Plans that Ended in Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra continues with her treatment, and gets an idea to go and visit Dear Adora

The medicine Catra had been taking was turning her into a crying horomonal mess. It threw everything off, making it harder to hide her emotions. It was everything Catra hated.

And yet it felt...good. Entrapta wasn’t exactly therapeutic, but that was somehow better. She was a balm, a void who could just take in all of Catra’s feelings and emotions, comment on them a bit, but not really respond to emotionally. It was all just data to her. That was how Catra wanted it. 

Not to say she didn’t bite back when Entrapta probed a little too deeply. A few of their sessions ended in Catra storming out, not willing to go on, but more often Entrapta would just rephrase something or go in a different direction.

And even when she was angry, Catra felt better. Not immediately afterwards, then she was drained beyond belief, but the next day she was alright. She started getting things done again, which her teachers were thrilled about. She took up the TA job with Professor Weaver, and if she said so herself, she was pretty good at it, despite Weaver’s jabs.

Scorpia didn’t know what she said in her sessions with Entrapta, Catra was pretty sure, but she knew she was going through something. It was like living with the overbearing mother Catra never had, making sure she was fed and had taken the medication, and had even given her a new jacket, a lighter black one, she could wear and hide her soulmark without getting heat stroke. 

And when nightmares came out and Catra couldn’t hold the emotions in any longer, Scorpia offered a heavy blanket, clearly wanting to give more help, but not forcing it on Catra. Just letting her know she was there. 

Every morning Catra would wake up, and look at her arm, to see if the mark had disappeared, or at least shown some sign of fading. It never did. 

She was studying--actually studying, not pretending to study--in her room while Scorpia was cleaning, when a piece of mail floated over to her side of the room. A small flyer, not overly remarkable, but with a familiar logo. “Why are you getting mail from Brightmoon?”

Scorpia hummed in confusion, looking up and following her gaze down to the flyer. “Oh. That. I used to go there.”

Catra blinked once, twice, then shut her eyes tight for a second to try and figure out if this was reality and she’d heard that correctly. “You did WHAT?!”

“Did I not tell you?” Scorpia said, “Yeah, just for my first year. Entrapta was there too, it’s where we met. But Horde has a better science program, and not a bad business program, so we transferred over together.” She winced, “A lot of people weren’t too happy to hear about that. We don’t really talk to anyone who goes there anymore. But I still get mail occasionally, I guess.”

Curious, Catra picked the flyer up. It was an invitation, to a party/celebration in Brightmoon. A celebration of Diversity in Global Studies.

Catra frowned. This had Adora written all over it. She might not have organized it, but she would be there. 

And here Catra was with an invitation to where she would be, this very weekend. “Hey Scorpia,” She said, “Got any weekend plans?”

 

“This is a bad idea,” Scorpia said when she stepped off the bus with Catra in tow. 

Catra adjusted her suit. It was her best one. She looked good and she knew it, and knew Adora liked it too. “Relax, will you?” She said, “It’s just a party.”

“Yeah…” Scorpia said, “With your EX. I mean...what exactly are you going to do? What’s the endgame here?”

Catra sighed, frustrated. “We’re going to go, talk nice with Adora and her new fancy friends, make up and hug trees or whatever.”

“It’s a celebration of diversity.”

“Whatever,” Catra said, and made her way through the Bright moon buildings. 

Brightmoon was so different from Horde it was like stepping onto another planet. First off it was a lot smaller. You could easily get lost in the many buildings of Horde, but here, you might drive all the way through it and hardly realize where you were.

The buildings varied greatly in their architecture, going from uber modern, to rustic old mansions. The uber modern building was the one she was going for, and took Scorpia’s arm as they went into the hall, following other well dressed couples. 

Catra did a sweep of the room when she walked in but saw no sign of her target, until she heard a loud “Catra!”

Her eyes narrowed in on Adora, crossing her arms and looking horrified at the sight of her. Catra smiled, wicked. “Hey Adora.”

“What are you doing here?” She demanded.

Catra shrugged, “My roommate, Scorpia here, was invited,” She presented her invitation, “Unless, you’re going to kick out a nice pair of diverse women just for coming to an event.”

Adora narrowed her eyes at her. “You’re here to ruin things aren’t you?”

“Please, Adora,” She purred, “You’re always talking about how great Brightmoon is. I thought I’d see for myself.” She looked around, “It’s a bit….small, wouldn’t you say?”

Adora crossed her arms tighter, “Look, just...I don’t want any trouble, ok? We’ll just keep to our own lives.”

Catra sidled her way up to her. “My, my, my, how you’ve changed your tune,” She said, “Not long ago you were begging me to come join you, now you can hardly stand the sight of me? After all we’ve been through?”

Adora narrowed her eyes. “Look, I won’t lie, I still...I still CARE about you, Catra,” Something was stabbing Catra and making her light at the same time, “But I can’t….This won’t work.” She rubbed her arms awkwardly, “Things are...different.”

“Don’t you worry,” Catra said, “I’m doing FINE without you.”

Adora actually looked interested, “Really?”

Catra nodded, “In fact, maybe I’m better now that you’re gone,” she said, aiming her verbal weapons true if Adora’s face was anything to read. “I’ve got friends--REAL friends. I got that TA position you left. I guess, if you hadn’t left, my life wouldn’t be nearly so glad.”

Adora swallowed, “I’m...I’m glad you’re better,” She said, “It’s good, it’s...it’s really good, I’m happy for you.” Catra knew a lie when she saw one.

“Oh please,” She sneered, “You thought I’d be lost without you. Admit it, you thought you were BETTER than me! That I NEEDED you.” Adora flinched, “I thought that too, at first, but now I see you were just holding me back.”

Adora grit her teeth, “Ok. Ok, I thought that. I’m sorry, I never meant to, but I did. Our relationship, Catra...it wasn’t healthy for EITHER of us. You have to know it. And...and yeah there’s a part of me that’s sad you don’t need me anymore.” She frowned, staring into her, “Are you happy now? Can you leave?”

“Why are YOU mad at ME?” Catra demanded of her, cruel smile still on her face, “YOU were the one who LEFT.”

“I’m not mad!” Adora said, sounding mad. “I’m just….this isn’t a good time, ok? I’m working through a lot of stuff right now, and I could really use some space, so--”

“Adora?” A girl came up, a short fat girl with bright pink dyed hair, not unlike Entrapta’s but with a purple underside, “Is this girl bothering you?”

Adora flinched, looking between the two, “Glimmer, can you just give me a minute here--”

She put her hand on Glimmer’s shoulder, trying to get her to relax, but in doing so revealed her secret. She had been keeping her arms tightly crossed, but now that it was out, Catra could see the mark on it, a brilliant yellow that matched her hair. 

Adora realized her mistake and slapped her hand down on the mark, covering it, but it was too late. Catra’s eyes trailed from her arm...over to where Glimmer was standing, close to her, protective and supportive….to Glimmer’s arm where a band of purple shown brightly.

There was no storm this time, just a crash. Everything she’d built over the past few months, everything she had tried to repair in her heart and her soul just tumbled into nothing. 

“Catra…” Adora said, her eyes full of...oh god, so full of pity, “Look, I didn’t want you to find out like this.”

Glimmer blinked, looking between them, “Adora is this….is this your old soulmate?”

Catra felt the words like a sword, but a clean sharp one, one that went through with little pain, just leaving a hole behind. “Glimmer, just, give us a minute, please.”

Glimmer finally did as asked, stepping aside, but not before giving Adora a supportive touch. Catra watched it like it was a movie. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t happening right before her eyes. 

Adora swallowed, preparing herself to speak, “Glimmer and I met at that environmental program I went to over the summer,” She said, softly, “We were friends, just friends, that was all. But when my mark disappeared...Catra I was broken up to! I wanted to spend my life with you! I wanted to reforge that connection again, but you refused! And...among my other friends...Glimmer was there for me.”

Catra remembered what Scorpia had been talking about, a support system of friends and people to depend on. Catra had lost everyone when Adora left, but now it was worse. She had been all alone. And Adora hadn’t been. 

Catra opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Adora had hurt her. What was worse, she didn’t MEAN to hurt her, so Catra couldn’t even properly be mad at her. And worse than that, Adora could see every inch of hurt she’d put on Catra.

“Hey, Catra, they have bacon wrapped shrimp!” Scorpia said, coming up beside her, oblivious to the tension in the scene, “Hi, I’m Scorpia,” She said, holding out a hand to Adora, “What’s your name?”

Adora swallowed, feeling too guilty to look either of them in the eye. “....Adora.”

“Oh, wow, I--OH--” Scorpia looked between the girls like she was watching a tennis match, “Oh, I see...should I….you want me to leave or--”

“Lets go,” Catra finally managed. 

Scorpia gulped, looking between them once more, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, um. Do you want to get some food or--?” 

“NOW.” Catra snapped, and Catra turned on her heel, proverbial tail between her legs. Scorpia followed her out. 

Catra felt like a volcano, rumbling and ready to explode, and she didn’t know what would come out. But it didn’t explode, it just kept rumbling louder and louder in her head. She felt hot, taking off her jacket, not caring about anyone or anything. 

“Hey!” Scorpia said, “Catra--Catra look!” she pointed to her arm.

Catra looked down. The mark on her arm, her soulmark had started to fade.

She didn’t care.

She didn’t feel...anything.


	5. You Said You Had The Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra isn't feeling anything, meanwhile Scorpia and Entrapta are having a lot of feelings, most of them not good.

"Huh,” Entrapta said over the speaker. 

“Huh what?” Scorpia asked, “What does that mean? Is she ok? Is she dying?!?”

The speaker was put on mute for a moment, and Catra couldn’t hear the conversation over the whirring of the machine she was inside. Then, it clicked back on. “Catra, can you come out to the observation deck, please?” 

The machine snapped open and the door released her from the soul scanner. Catra took a deep breath, summoning the strength to step out. 

Reaching the observation deck, she immediately sat in one of the chairs. Entrapta was still looking over the results frowning, while Scorpia was chewing on her fingernails, concerned. “Well?” Scorpia asked.

Entrapta took a deep breath, and looked up at Catra. “You seem to have soul sickness,” She said. 

Scorpia gasped dramatically, but Catra didn’t even blink. “What’s that?” She asked, monotonously.

Entrapta turned the screen to her which was meant to scan her aura. There were two slides, one she had seen before, her first soul scan, where her aura was a cloudy red. On the second slide, the color had muddled away, turning a gross muddy grey color. “Your aura is reflecting the extreme change in your soul you’ve taken. I can’t say for absolute certainty, but I’d estimate it was when you had your encounter with Adora.”

She waited for Catra to have a reaction. Catra didn’t really have a reaction to give. Entrapta sighed, “Grey aura’s are associated with some extreme turmoil. They’re often accompanied by severe levels of depression and suicidal thoughts. Have you been experiencing those?” 

Catra frowned, thinking, “I dunno. Not depressed really, just kind of...slow?” She shrugged, “But I’m not sad or anything.”

“Bullshit!” Scorpia said, “You haven’t gone to classes, you barely leave the dorm, you just stare off into space all the time, and Professor Weaver’s noticed, and I’ve covered for you, but--”

“Scorpia!” Entrapta raised her voice, cutting Scopria off. Catra had never heard Entrapta yell before, “You’re not being helpful.”

“I brought her to YOU to help!” Scorpia snapped right back, “And now things are only worse!”

“It’s not that simple.” Entrapta said, “The treatment was working, as evidenced by the fading mark. We just have to figure out a way to treat the side effect now, and--”

“Side effect?!” Scorpia yelled, “She’s...you said she could be suicidal! Her literal SOUL is SICK, You have to do something--!” 

“You need to leave.” Entrapta said, mouth set. 

Scorpia gaped at her. “Wha--”

“You heard me.” Entrapta said, “I am dealing with a patient right now and you are compromising my treatment, so I need you to get out.” Scorpia blinked, “I’m serious. Now.”

Scorpia took a shaky breath, and then turned on heel leaving the lab and slamming the door behind her. 

Entrapta sighed, looking more tired than Catra had ever seen her. “Sorry,” Catra said, not knowing what to do.

Entrapta shook her head, “You don’t need to be,” She said, and grabbed a pad of forms that was way at the back of her desk, “I’m going to write you a referral to one of the campus counselors. Some of them are students in training like me, or you can request one of the professionals, but their schedules are tighter.”

Catra shrugged, “Whatever’s most convenient.” 

Entrapta looked sympathetic, writing down the information on the slip and handing it to her. “I’m really, really sorry,” She said, “Scorpia was right, I just wanted to help.”

“You did,” Catra said, “I asked you to remove the mark, and it started to work. Rest isn’t your fault.”

Entrapta looked like she would prefer if Catra had yelled like Scorpia. She handed the paper to Catra. “Here,” She said, “Take that to the counseling center. They’ll get you in as soon as possible.”

 

Catra meant to go. She really did. Like she had been meaning to go to classes, or her TA sessions. But first it was hard to get up in the morning. She dozed awake at 9, and it wasn’t until 10 she was able to sit up. Her second class was already half over by then, so she took her time getting ready and presentable, and by then it was lunch. By the time lunch was over, her energy was drained from being in the campus lunchroom, and so she decided she’d take a quick break at home, maybe a little nap, or just resting and watching youtube videos and playing games on her phone, and by the time she felt able to go out again it was dinner and everything had stopped for the day. 

So, Entrapta’s note got crumpled in the bottom of her bag, and then forgotten. 

Scorpia kept giving her looks out of the corner of her eye. “Are you okay?” “How are you feeling?” “Can I help?” Honestly the questions themselves were more draining than anything else. 

Scorpia followed her to meals too, trying to encourage her to eat something healthy, even if all Catra wanted was a plate of fries. Catra didn’t comment on it until she noticed Entrapta, eating all by herself at the opposite end of the dining hall. “So,” She said, “You two still not talking?” 

Scorpia looked longingly up at Entrapta. “We are,” She said, “....Sometimes. We just...It’s just a bit of a rough patch at the moment.”

Catra shrugged, eating another fry. “That’s what I thought with me and Adora.”

“It isn’t like that!” she protested, just a little too loudly. “Just...we’re both worried. And we show it in different ways.” 

Catra hummed, and returned to her food.

Scorpia leaned forward, “We’re worried about YOU.”

“Why?” Catra asked, with a little of her old surliness peaking through, “I’m not gonna sue you guys or anything. I don’t even know how.”

“We don’t care about that!” She said, “We want you to be happy, and HEALTHY. Goodness Catra, I’d...I’d rip the sadness out of you if I could.”

“‘M not sad,” Catra said.

“That’s WORSE!” Scorpia’s voice was rising and catching the attention of surrounding students, “Don’t you...I mean, don’t you feel anything?” She gulped back, tears in her own eyes, “It’s ok to feel sad. This...this whole thing is Fucked up. I should never have taken you to that party, I...I shouldn’t have tried to make you do these weird experiments. I just wanted to help you, and all I did was make things WORSE.”

Catra sighed, “You didn’t make things worse,” She said, “I’m the one who’s fucked up. No one can help me, didn’t hurt to try. Er, well I guess it kinda hurt you.”

“You’re not!” Scorpia said, “You’re not fucked up. Well….maybe right now you are. But that’s not INHERENT you know?” Scorpia clenched her teeth, staring down Catra “You don’t HAVE to be, I mean. You can choose to be something else.”

Catra tapped her french fry on her plate. “It’s not that simple,” She said, not looking up.

“Of course it’s fucking not!” Scorpia said, “It’s….it’s work! It’s hard work to be happy! It takes time and...and help! I want to help you, what will it take for you to understand that I CARE about you?! WE care about you! And not as a science experiment or a roommate, but a--” She cut herself off, some of the fight leaking out of her as she subconsciously rubbed her soulmark, “As a friend,” She finished, a little quieter.

Catra stood up, looking at Scorpia. There was something in her eyes, something Catra was...afraid of. “I’m not hungry anymore.” 

She took her plate to the dishwasher and left. 

 

Now Catra wasn’t just avoiding classes and all forms of responsibility, but her own room as well. This involved more movement, going from the library to the campus center, to the lobbies of various school buildings, empty classrooms, all in the pursuit of a place where she could just be ALONE. 

It was exhausting. She only went to her room when she could be reasonably certain that Scorpia was already asleep. She hadn’t seen Entrapta at all, not even in the dining halls. She was beginning to wonder what was happening with her when she finally saw her while camped out in the science building. 

Entrapta didn’t look...great. There were bags under her eyes, and her ponytails were a bit ratty. She stared at Catra like she didn’t believe she was really there.

Once she determined she was, she came up to Catra, standing over where Catra was curled with her phone. “Hi,” She said, simply.

Catra frowned up at her a bit suspicious. “Hi…?” she responded

“How...how have you been feeling?” She asked. 

“Not great,” Catra snapped back, returning to her phone game.

Entrapta nodded, “Right,” she said, “Of course.” 

They were silent for a long moment. Catra tried to just ignore her if she wasn’t talking, but every once in a while she glanced up and Entrapta was still staring at her with red-tinged eyes. 

“I’m not good with emotions,” Entrapta said after a while, apropos of nothing. “I don’t...I like science. Science has numbers and things you can measure and see. I went into soul science so I could try and quantify my feelings, to understand them better, as well as everyone elses.” She swallowed, “There are….there are patterns in people’s behaviors, but some of it is inexplicable. Chaotic. I try to separate myself from that chaos by researching it, and that leads me to sometimes not take other people’s feelings into account.”

Catra nodded along, not really understanding. “And...what does that have to do with me?”

“I’m sorry,” Entrapta said, “I was so….so excited about this case study that I put it above your emotions. The medicines I was giving you were to help to change your soul, to make it easier, more malleable, and you could split the connection with...with her.” She bowed her head, “Instead I think it made you more susceptible to your soul sickness. I’m sorry.”

Catra blinked at her, a feeling stirring deep down inside she couldn’t name. “It’s fine,” She finally said, “You didn’t know.”

“I did,” Entrapta said, “Or, well, I thought it was a possibility. I thought I could correct for it, though, and I couldn’t.” She swallowed, “I’m sorry.”

Catra wanted to be mad at her, but she didn’t know how. All her anger was just gone from her. “It’s fine.”

“It’s NOT,” Entrapta said, sitting on the table across from her, “I just--You should be furious with me! You could sue me, ya know! There’s a tone of ethics violations swirling around in this mess I’m sure! I just….” She swallowed, wiping her eyes, “I’ve been working to try and find a cure. Soul Sickness is a mysterious condition, I….there’s no quantifiable CAUSE, I--I can’t cure something if I don’t know where it’s coming from, I--”

“Entrapta,” Catra cut her off, “You tried. You did what I asked for. I signed the waivers and everything, and even if I could sue I can’t afford a lawyer. I’m not going to take this out on you.”

“But I want to help!” She said. Her eyes wide with as much earnestness as she could muster. 

Catra sighed, “Are you doing this for me, or are you doing this because Scorpia’s mad at you?”

“You!” Entrapta said, and Catra looked at her flatly. “Ok. Ok, somewhat Scorpia. But mostly you. Like I said, I’m not good with emotions. Scorpia is. She helps balance me out, you know? But sometimes it leads to more conflict.” She rocks back and forth unable to hold in her nervous energy. 

Catra nodded, “I get it,” She said, “Adora and I used to balance each other out too.” 

Entrapta gulped. “Can I…” she said, “Can I ask you some advice?” She said it meekly. Catra nodded, “I don’t think….I mean I know she wouldn’t….I don’t think Scorpia would leave me,” she said, “But, what can I do? To try and….and make her happy again?”

Catra swallowed, thinking back. “You realize I’m actually the worst person ever to ask that, right?” She said.

Entrapta scooted closer, “Yeah, but...you’re the only one I know who’s actually gone through it. So, if you could do it all over again….what would you do?”

Catra thought back….back to the good times she had with Adora. The laughs. The jokes. The pranks. The talks about the future. She tried to remember when those shifted. The arguments. The yelling. The anger.

Catra had tried holding on tighter, and Adora fought her. Catra had tried letting her go and waiting for her to come back, but she never did. Catra thought about it, again, and again, and again, what she possibly could have said to get Adora to stop.

“Nothing,” Catra said, “There was….there was nothing I could do.” Her voice shook as she realized it. “She just...grew apart from me. I couldn’t have followed her, it wasn’t...it wasn’t me. I just…” The first tear she’d had in a while fell down her cheeks. “There wasn’t anything I could do.”

The realization hit her along with the wave of emotions her whole being had been repressing since the party. She couldn’t have stopped the tears even if she’d tried. In seconds she was bawling harder than she ever remembered doing. 

“Oh god, Oh god!” Entrapta said standing over her as she cried, “Uh, it’s ok, um, I don’t know how--What do I….” She swallowed, but Catra didn’g pay any mind as she curled in on herself, clutching her knees and burying her face in them. 

She heard Entrapta take out her phone and text rapidly. “Ok. Ok, so, uh, Scorpia says I should try some physical contact, but I should ask permission first. Do you give me permission for physical contact?” 

Catra hesitated, but nodded, still sobbing. 

Entrapta tried first patting her on the head, then awkwardly reaching around her while standing, “There there,” She said, “It’s ok, it’s...uh...Look, Scorpia will be here soon, just hold on, ok? Just hold on.”

And Catra did, reaching out to grab hold of Entrapta and hold her there. Entrapta went stiff, but accepted the hug. 

Scorpia burst into the room a few minutes later, “What happened?” She demanded of Entrapta.

“We were talking!” Entrapta said, “I...I don’t know what I did, I’m sorry!” 

Scorpia leaned down to Catra’s level, “Is it ok if I touch you?” Catra nodded again, and Scorpia scooped her up. “I’m going to take her back to our room,” She said, almost coldly. 

Catra wasn’t ready for Entrapta to leave yet. She was a cool pillar for when Catra was swirling with emotions. A simple question from her had broken down Catra’s walls. She reached out of Scorpia’s hold and reached for Entrapta’s wrist, not letting her go.

Scorpia blinked for a moment. “You want Entrapta to come with us?” Catra nodded again. 

They made it back to the privacy of Scorpia and Catra’s room. Catra’s sobs had fallen to a whimper as Scorpia put her down on the bed and sat beside her, miraculously not breaking the hug. 

A minute later, Entrapta jogged up to them after disappearing who knows where….the Kitchen, Catra supposed since she came back with a glass of water. “For rehydration,” She said, handing Catra the glass.

Catra gulped the water down and wiped her eyes. She could feel them burning. “‘Sorry,” She said, her throat croaky. “I just...it just...it hit me all at once,” She said, “There was nothing...nothing I could do. Going with her wouldn’t be me, you know? She had already started changing….growing apart…” She took another sip of water. 

Scorpia sighed, “Well...I guess that’s true,” Scorpia said, “But, um...well it’s...ok I’m trying to find the positive side here, and I don’t got much…”

She looked to Entrapta. “You’re looking to me? For emotions?”

“You’re the soulmate expert,” Scorpia said, “And don’t sell yourself short, you’re really smart. You’re better with people than you think.”

Entrapta smirked slightly. “So, the way the 4th dimension works,” she said, “Is….linear time is just how we percieve things to be. Cause, effect, etc. So, in some ways, everything has already happened and we can’t do a whole lot to change it.”

Scorpia winced, but Catra actually snorted. “Thanks guys,” She said, “It’s not...it’s not really even a bad thing. It’s just.” She sniffed, “I think I blamed myself. There was something...wrong with me. That she finally saw through.” She took another shuddering breath, “It’s hard to think people can just...grow apart.”

She felt more than saw Scorpia and Entrapta look up at each other. “It’s true,” Scorpia said, “But sometimes...people can grow together too.”

Entrapta smirked, “It’s not really explainable. We still haven’t found the answers to why soulmate connections are formed. But...they do. Every day.” She sighed, “And it’s hard thinking we don’t have control over it. But maybe, we still have some sort of influence? At least on our relationships with others.”

Scorpia squeezed Catra closer. “I think what Entrapta is saying is, we’re here for you. If you want us to be.”

Catra took another gulp of water. “I’m not going to be good at it,” she said.

“What, friendship?” Scorpia said, “You don’t need to be good at friendship. You just need to have friends.” 

Catra smiled. “Then...I’d like that.”

 

They had a slumber party that night, squishing Catra and Scorpia’s beds together and watched movies. Catra laughed for the first time in a while.

The next day, Scorpia and Entrapta helped Catra to make up a schedule to catch up on the work she’d missed and salvage her grades.

The day after that, Catra confronted Weaver and got her job back as a TA, and Scorpia and Entrapta were there for her afterward to celebrate and keep her nerves steady. 

Catra let Entrapta monitor her again, tracking the changes in her soul. 

Because every day she woke up, and her soulmark faded just a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting to the end, there will be one last chapter/epilogue


	6. I'll be ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra makes her attempts to move on, the results of which she could never have expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! And I finally pull in the ship that this was tagged as! It's been fun writing this and I hope you all enjoyed.

Catra took a deep breath. She could do this. Maybe. Well, she’d give the message another re-read, just to be safe. 

“Hey, Adora,” the message started, “Just wanted to say sorry about showing up at your event or whatever. And, well, everything else too. I don’t blame you for leaving, and, it might be a stretch to say I’m happy for you, but I do hope you do well. It’s taken a lot to see how fucked up things really were . I don’t think I can handle being ‘friends’ with you, not yet, but I guess I wanted to let you know, we’re good. See you around, I guess. ~Catra”

Catra chewed on her lip, making sure it sounded ok. When she told Entrapta and Scorpia about what she was doing, they offered to proofread it for her, but this was something she needed to do herself. Just to stitch up that old wound. 

Adora’s mark on her arm was still there, but it looked more like a muddled sunburn than a soulmark. Catra was trying to fill her hours doing anything else, work, school, spending time with Entrapta and Scorpia and listening them talk about whatever. It was a good distraction, but still her mind was going back to Adora. It didn’t hurt as much, anymore, a mild bruising rather than a sharp stab. But the thoughts got further and further apart. She wasn’t there. But she was getting there.

Catra sighed, and hit ‘enter’ on her message. The paragraph blipped and she watched, the message going to ‘delivered’ and then, ‘read.’ 

No response. Catra didn’t expect one. She didn’t NEED one, she told herself, though she couldn’t deny she wanted one. She tried to think of if their roles were reversed, what Catra would do if she got this message. She wouldn’t respond either. 

It was later that night while she was in the midst of a paper, source books spread out around her in a nest on her bed, pen in her mouth and post-its attached to her knee, when her phone buzzed. Adora’s face came up. 

Catra took a deep breath and picked the phone up, setting her laptop aside. “Hey Catra,” the message read, “I understand and I’m glad. I hope you’re doing well too. If you ever think you can handle being friends, let me know. ~Adora.” 

“Everything alright?” Scorpia asked from her bed.

Catra smirked, “Yeah,” she said, “everything’s fine.”

 

Catra was sure that everything she had gone through was 100% worth it, if only so she had Scorpia and Entrapta by her side during final exams for the semester. Scorpia’s mom mode had been fully activated, ensuring their room was well stocked with cold water, snacks, fresh supplies, and Catra’s favorite music going consistently. When Catra had too much, Entrapta had a proverbial army of stress toys to use, slime, useless buttons, crayons, paper crafts, everything under the sun to fiddle with. 

Catra had successfully applied to be able to stay on campus during the winter break. Entrapta had as well, so that she’d keep access to the laboratories, and Scorpia was going home, but she lived nearby. “Why do you even live in the dorms?” Catra asked as they’d gone over plans to meet up. 

Scorpia shrugged, “Dad thought the dorm experience was important.”

Catra couldn’t wait. It was her last break, last time with nothing to do. As soon as the next semester started, she and Scorpia would be scouring businesses to pick them up as starter employees. Entrapta had already applied for Grad school and was just waiting on results of that. Catra had already assured her she would get in wherever she wanted.

But a whole month of the three of them spending time on campus. Nearly everyone would have left and gone home. No work to do. No nothing. It was perfect. 

Once the last day of exams finished out, the three went for ice cream to celebrate. Forget the weather, ice cream was an all-year treat, and there was a place in town that served those little ice cream cones that Entrapta liked. 

That night, Catra went to bed with a smile on her face. She had the room to herself since Scorpia was at her parents, but she didn’t mind. The three had a group chat going constantly so she didn’t feel alone. 

When she looked up, she instinctively looked at her arm, to see if her mark had disappeared any further. 

It hadn’t, though. Well, it had, except there were two marks on her arm, neither of them Adora’s red. Instead, she had a stripe of pink, and above that a stripe of a yellow-orange color. 

Well that was weird. 

When in doubt, she went to go find Entrapta, given she was the soulmate expert. The problem was, she wasn’t answering her phone, and she wasn’t in her room. Catra went up to check the laboratory, guessing that was the only other place she could think the scientist would be. 

When she got to the lab, she found it in use. Someone was in the soul scanner, while Entrapta was going over incoming data on the screen, “Entrapta?” Catra asked, “You busy?”

Entrapta didn’t answer. Instead, she zeroed in on Catra’s odd double-soulmark. “Scorpia,” she finally said into the microphone, “Get in here.”

“What? But the scan isn’t--”

“I think I’ve gotten our answer.” 

Catra listened as the machine turned off and someone, presumably Scorpia, unhooked herself. Catra was distracted as Entrapta turned in her chair though….and Catra saw the double marks on her own arm. 

There was Scorpia’s mark, a brilliant pink that matched Entrapta’s hair...and then there was another band, this one more orangey-red. It kinda matched her eyes. 

Scorpia walked into the room as Catra and Entrapta stared each other down, processing. “What’s going on--hey, Catra.” She said, and then followed Entrapta’s gaze. “What’re you--oh. Oh my.” 

Catra tore her attention to look at Scorpia. She, too, was sporting an orangey-red mark, just above her yellow-orange mark that represented Entrapta, “So...that’s how..but is it…”

“What’s going on?” Catra cut her off. 

Scorpia swallowed, “I woke up this morning and saw the mark. I rushed over and woke up Entrapta, and she had it too, so she put me in the machine to figure out and…” She swallowed, “We thought...maybe it was you, but we didn’t….we didn’t want to go before we were sure…”

“I’d say we have some fairly conclusive data for a strong hypothesis,” Entrapta said, adjusting her goggles on her head, “Still, the last we checked her soul, Catra’s aura was grey, and before that a more clouded red. To be sure we have to check her aura color.” 

Catra sighed, “Not the machine again...It’s not gonna give me cancer or something is it? With all I’ve been in there?”

“Get in the machine, Catra!” Scorpia said, a little more forcefully than maybe even she meant. She was tense, and Catra hoped that wasn’t disappointment on her face...but she didn’t think it was. 

Catra got went through the lengthy process of strapping herself in as the machine closed around her. There was no music this time, just silent waiting. 

“You can come in now, Catra,” Entrapta said, after too long and not long enough. 

She bit her lip as she re-entered, Scorpia and Entrapta looking at her, “It’s a match,” Entrapta said, “You...you’re our soulmate.”

Catra swallowed. The word had been floating around the edges of her brain since she woke up but it hadn’t fully formed as an idea. She had...she had a soulmate? TWO soulmates?! “But...how..”

“It’s rare,” Entrapta said, “But it’s certainly possible for an already established soulmate pair to pick up a third, in the case they are all in sync. Usually those connections need time to be forged. And...given your soul has been going through drastic changes in the past few months, what it’s reformed to is a match with ours.”

Catra gaped at them. “I--” She started, but didn’t know what words to say. 

She was at the center of a storm again, her thoughts raining down on her. But it wasn’t raging like when Adora left her. It was calm and cooling, the thoughts washing away the dirt and grit of her life, replenishing all the good things around her. Lightning flashed sparks of hope in her chest, making her heart beat as fast as the winds around her. This storm wasn’t one of destruction, but creation. Creation of something new, but Catra didn’t, couldn’t know what.

Scorpia stepped forward, “Catra,” She said, trying to bring her back down to Earth, “None of us expected this, and I can’t speak for Entrapta, but I’m...happy,” She said, “I care about you, both of you, such a great deal, and I think we work well together. We know that just being soulmates isn’t a guarantee, and it’ll take a lot of work and talking and...and I don’t know what.” she took Entrapta’s hand, who came and stood beside her, “I know you’ve lost a lot before,” Scorpia said to Catra, “You lost a whole soulmate. But, if you’re open to a new one….”

Catra felt tears coming to her eyes, listening to Scorpia’s nervous speech and already planning on jumping into her arms and agreeing, but would first let her finish talking.

“....What about us?”


End file.
